Cute

 

 

                                                                         
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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*รคภ๔єєק*

Thank You!!

Powerd by Nokia Eseries*
Dear All,

What we learned from emails in 2010......

As we progress into the last quarter of 2010, I want to thank all of you
for your educational e-mails over the past 11 months. I am totally screwed
up now and have little chance of recovery.
*
I no longer open a bathroom door *without using a paper towel, or have the
waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the
bacteria on the lemon peel.
*
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because* I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
*
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread *because I can only imagine what has
happened on it since it was last washed.
*
I have trouble shaking hands *with someone who has been driving because the
number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
*
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because* I can only imagine
how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
*
I can't touch any woman's purse *for fear she has placed it on the floor of
a public bathroom.
*
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS *to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.
*
ALSO, *now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
*
I no longer have any savings *because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
*
I no longer have any money, *but that will change once I receive the $15,000
that *Bill Gates/Microsoft *and *AOL *are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.
*
I no longer worry about my soul *because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and *St. Theresa's Novena *has granted my every wish.
*
I can't have a drink in a bar* because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice
with my kidneys gone.
*
I can't eat at KFC *because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
*
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants *even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
*
THANKS TO YOU *I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
*
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, *I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
*
I no longer buy *gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a
serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

*I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta *since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put *'Under God' *on their cans.
*
I no longer use Cling Wrap *in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.
*
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW *I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.
*
I no longer go to the movies *because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS when I sit down.
*
I no longer go to shopping malls *because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
*
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex *since they are actually Al
Qaeda agents in disguise.

And *I no longer answer the phone because* someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore , and Uzbekistan .
*
I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus *since I now have their recipe.
*
THANKS TO YOU *I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black
snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.
*
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE *I can't ever pick up ₹ 5.00 coin dropped in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting to grab me as I bend over.
*
I no longer drive my car *because buying gas from some companies supports Al
Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.
*
I can't do any gardening *because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin
Spider and my hand will fall off.
*
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . . .*
*
Oh, by the way.....*
*
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their
hand on the mouse.*
*
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.*
*
P. S.: **I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by
e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.*

**
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*
*
<http://keralites.net/>

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